Living Through the Now

Kids are very good at seeing the right now. Actually, for the most part, they only see the now and live in the moment or the immediate future. They want to play on the playground -- right now. They don’t want to leave -- right now. They want to eat that candy -- right now.

Delayed gratification and future planning are unknown concepts for kids.

Adults are very good at looking through to the other side of now. We know there are consequences to always doing what you want right now. We know there are reasons to plan for the future even if that means delaying what could be done right now.

However seeing the other side of now and living for it are two different things. If you go about life waiting for when (fill in the blank) is true to start living, you are living for the other side of now. And just like committing every day to doing something “tomorrow”, you end up never living today.

I’ll elaborate, but before I do I feel obligated to clarify that I’m not talking in a spiritual sense here. If you’re a Christian you believe you’re, “but a stranger here, heaven is my home” so there’s an element of living now while also living for the other side of now. All true, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.

Here, I’m talking about the insidious way we adults look forward to an idealized future situation and mortgage our present for that uncertain or even unattainable future. If you’ve said you’ll learn a musical instrument when you retire, you’ll spend more time with the family when you’ve made more money, or you’ll be content when you have some particular possession then you’ve participated in the deception of living for the other side of now.

Our consumerist society is exceptionally well-suited to fuel this kind of dissatisfaction for the now and obsession with the next.

That’s not to say there aren’t many ways to abuse the now and live only for it too. But being a hedonist is just a different way of abusing the now than pressing pause and saying you’ll get to the now as soon as some condition is met.

If only I could win the lottery, then I’d be happy. I’ll be content if only so-and-so gets elected. This kind of thinking is a trap. One we set for ourselves and get stuck in as we overlook the now we’re living beyond.

While we’re waiting for (fill in the blank) to be true to engage in life, we FEEL like we’re doing something. However, we’re really no better off than bitter Ms. Havisham from Great Expectations ruing what never was as her life crumbles to dust. Except in our case we’re not ruing unrealized expectations but holding off living until the expectations are realized.

And when they are? Probably just resetting that goal post. And when they’re not? What then?

Expectations (great or otherwise) have a way of making us live for the future at the expense of the now. Kids can help parents avoid this in two opposite ways. As they grow up and milestones pass it’s hard not to see the now is fleeting and that can snap you into the present.

But they’re also a reminder that there’s a future that’s more important than yours. And, since your actions in the present can have a significant impact on their future, what better time to start living for them than now?