A 14th Birthday Surprise

Kids growing up really sneaks up on fathers. Everyone says this, everyone knows this, and it means nothing until it happens to you. I have been completely, totally, and unreasonably surprised by our oldest turning 14.

It’s not that I’m surprised that his 14^th birthday came after his 13th but about everything that being 14 suddenly means. We have four more Christmases with him before he will be 18 years old. That’s a startling thing to contemplate.

High school, work, driving, everything that growing up entails is no longer a someday or one day thing. It’s tomorrow or even today.

But it’s been more than just those realities for me. My oldest being 14 has been such a shock because I have distinct memories of being 14. I have distinct memories where I was younger than he is now. For example, I was younger than he is now when September 11 happened.

To remember how young and inexperienced 14 is, and also how many independent thoughts and ideas I had at that time – and to know all that is also going on in this young-man-size child has created an internal tempest I wasn’t expecting.

They go from holding your hand to out of your reach so quickly. And so inevitably.

But I’m also convinced you can’t be prepared for this reality. It’s like getting married, becoming a dad, or tasting Islay scotch for the first time. You can hear someone talking about it and think you understand but you just can’t get it until you experience it.

For those who can understand, here’s an analogy. It’s a driving analogy since my oldest could legally be piloting a multi-ton vehicle in less than one year.

You know how a speeding car can sneak into your blind spot without you realizing it? That’s what my oldest turning 14 has been. I was confident I had checked the sideview mirror recently enough that no car could be right next to me, but on that last glance just as I was about to change lanes there’s a speeding car in my blind spot and it’s about to pass me.

Now I’m double checking the rearview mirror and realizing that I saw that car when it was a long way off. It was so far back last time I looked I didn’t realize it had caught up. Part of me thought it never would. That rearview mirror is dangerous though. Looking in it I can see a long way back and there seem to be a lot of opportunities to have done things differently.

I’ve been leading the way this whole time, but once this car passes that ends. All the thoughts of whether I’m in the correct lane, whether he’s in the correct lane, whether this is even the right road are blinding me like being on a westbound road at sunset.

Glancing back at the rearview mirror, there’s another car coming up…and is that five more behind it?!

The first car is still next to me though. It’s not in my blind spot now but it turns out it’s not going to pass me yet. Not yet, but soon. I can still lead the way for a little while. However, I can’t drive with my eyes in the rearview mirror. Even if I don’t want to forget and check on those cars behind me either.