A Column for the Birds

Because I’m nearing 40, have kids, and live in the suburbs, I’ve started taking an interest in birding. Look, I don’t make the rules. This apparently is just what happens and I’m not fighting it.

I suppose, because there are bound to be some ornery ornithological types who read this, I should say I’ve taken an interest in birds instead of birding.

I haven’t gone out in search of birds, started a “life list”, or surrendered all of my dignity attempting to mimic the call of an American Bittern. Yet.

Mostly, I’m just more observant of the birds I do encounter and get a kick out of seeing them up close. My recent foray into birds has led to some new insight into the diversity of personality amongst bird species. And I can’t help but notice some parallels between my kids and some of these species.

Blue Jays are kind of the police of the bird world. They chase down owls and hawks and sound the alarm often getting other birds worked up as well. Most people are smitten with owls and hawks so this hue and cry may seem unwarranted but in the bird world these impressive birds of prey are serial killers.

Anyway, the 13 and 10-year-old are the blue jays of our nest. The 13-year-old because the rest of the kids will follow him and he’s sometimes the enforcer of the rules and the 10-year-old because he’s overly eager to sound the alarm about anything.

Mocking birds like to mimic, are temperamental, and they eat insects. The 8-year-old? Same. Although he’s outgrown the insect eating. I think.

Doves are known for making terrible nests. If you’re ever looking in a tree and see three pine needles laid across a branch with an egg on them you’ve encountered the Taj Mahal of dove nests. The 6-year-old doesn’t have a nest but he does have a bedroom for which he exhibits dove-level attention to detail. In the same way a dove somehow thinks their feeble excuse for a nest is fine, he somehow thinks his feeble attempts at cleaning his room (i.e., shoving toys and clothes behind his dresser) is cleaning.

Starlings are known for making nests out of various materials, much of which people would describe as “trash.” The 12-year-old also enjoys collecting and making things out of what most people would describe as trash. A starling will use plastic bags, discarded paper, feathers, and a variety of debris to make a nest -- which means the 12-year-old’s pockets would be like a starling’s Home Depot.

Hummingbirds need to eat sugar and insects every 10-15 minutes to fuel their constant, rapid movement. The 4-year-old is apparently part hummingbird. He thinks he needs to eat sugar every 15 minutes and while he doesn’t eat insects he is in and out of the pantry as much as any hummingbird goes to and from a flower.

Painted buntings are beautiful birds with melodic calls and are a real treat for a bird watcher to encounter. The 18-month-old is my little painted bunting.

Except when she’s teething and sounds more like a White-bellied Go-away-bird. Which is a real bird and 100% deserving of its name.