Things I've Learned as a Dad

Life is a never-ending educational experience and there’s no better course of study than fatherhood. It’s challenging, exciting, overwhelming, and rewarding all at the same time. Most of all though, it’s enlightening.

I’ve learned so much over the last thirteen years as a dad. I’ve learned the phrase, “Time to clean up,” has a laxative effect. At least, that’s a reasonable conclusion based on the way boys will suddenly have an urgent need to go hideout in the bathroom when that phrase is uttered. This appears to afflict those 6-8 years of age the most.

I’ve learned you have to wear more hats than you’re comfortable wearing as a dad. To one extent or another I’ve been: a plumber, a doctor, an electrician, an appliance repairman, an orthodontist, a pest control specialist, a bus driver, a coach, a teacher, a judge, a detective, a mechanic, and an accountant.

But you could also put the word failed in front of all those and it would be accurate. Like the time I thought I had cut the power to an outlet I was replacing but it was still energized. Or the time I thought I had identified the “criminal” for a domestic infraction and it turned out to be the wrong boy. Or the time I learned simply repeating the same phrase louder is not coaching. We’ll file all these under, “lessons in humility.”

I’ve learned there’s a time and a place for making jokes. During labor and delivery is neither of them. It only took being present for three children being born to figure that one out. #fastlearner

I’ve learned some practical and helpful tips. For instance, diaper rash ointment isn’t just for diaper rashes. Next time someone burns their finger while cooking, quickly put some diaper rash ointment that contains zinc oxide on the burn. It’s remarkably effective at relieving pain and healing burns. Note: The author is not a doctor and this is not to be construed as medical advice. Just good advice.

Speaking of doctors, I’ve learned they aren’t always right. We’ve seen a lot of doctors for a lot of different reasons since our kids have been born. Most of our pediatricians (we’ve had a lot, are we scaring them away?) have been great.

You can tell me all you want that teething doesn’t cause fevers, but I will tell you teething is correlated to fevers in some way. It may come down to the faulty notion that a fever equals an exactly 100.4 degree temperature and/or the other faulty assumption that 98.6 degrees is “normal”. Either way, teething is just one example where repeated experience begs to differ with the currently accepted medical opinion.

Perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned as a dad is how much it changes you. It’s hard to articulate, but you go from thinking you can’t possibly do this, to doing it, to realizing your kids think you’ve always been Dad and then you even forget you haven’t always been Dad. This sort of paradigm shifting change is a good thing though.

However, now that I think about it, that’s not the most important thing I’ve learned as a dad. The most important thing is: you should never leave home with a baby at nap time without a pacifier.

Don’t ask me how many times I’ve learned that one.