Road Signs for Life

There are dozens of signs along the road that warn you of upcoming hazards or road conditions for which you may need to adjust to while driving. For instance, if you’re driving down the road and see a sign that says, “Bump” you know to slow down.

It would be great if there were similar signs for driving down the road of life as a parent. Where is the “Slow down, children at play” sign for toddlerhood? If you go 80 through the toddler zone, you’ll barely see it, and definitely won’t remember it. Where’s the speed limit warning sign for parents to avoid that regrettable mistake?

What parent wouldn’t appreciate a “wrong way” sign popping up when they’ve gone down the wrong road disciplining, or not disciplining, educating, or otherwise raising their child? You don’t ever want to find yourself facing one in your car, but you’re sure glad to have it if you find yourself in a situation where you’re traveling in the wrong direction.

Do not enter signs are important for driver safety, and there are a whole host of things in parenting that should have do not enter signs squarely in front of them. I mean, if there had a been a bright red “Do Not Enter” sign on that YouTube video of the Baby Shark song the first time someone recommended it…well, an entire generation of parents and children might have learned to appreciate Beethoven, Mozart, or Dvorak instead of doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-ing ourselves mad.

But there might as well be a “No U-Turn” sign hanging above that tune.

A winding road sign for an upcoming patch of childhood illnesses would be more useful than those slippery when wet signs I see when driving down the road. Or even worse, those “guardrail damage ahead” signs. I don’t know about you, but I don’t plan to bounce off the guardrail when making a turn or crossing a bridge so these announcements never seem particularly helpful.

However, a “toll lane only” sign attached to your child’s first tooth, indicating the orthodontic bills you’re going to start incurring in a few short entrance ramps would be very helpful. And this is a situation where being in the car pool lane means having a bigger bill.

Intersection ahead. Is there a better way to describe the foray into puberty and adolescence than driving through a busy intersection? But unlike the road signs that are positioned at an exact distance from the crossroads they’re announcing, the adolescence intersection is a moving target and less easily standardized.

Of course, there are no standardized road signs for parents, even if there are general waymarkers. Such is life. And the one sign we often see on the road, but forget is also on all our backs is: New driver, please be patient.