The Art of Coping

This column will run (in the paper) the day after Election Day. Which means approximately half of my readership will be very unhappy. And about half will be very pleased.

I don’t know what the outcome will be (and regardless of the outcome none of those talking heads actually knew either) but I know there’s going to be emotional fallout from the outcome.

I’m familiar with this sort of dynamic. In a large family, much like a large country, agreement is hard to come by. Typically for someone to get exactly what they want, it means someone else got the opposite of what they wanted.

Compromise can be good, but not always. If three kids want to watch Paw Patrol and three kids want to watch Spy Kids watching half of each isn’t a win for anyone (would that be Paw Kids?).

With over a decade of experience handling disappointments with every triumph, and delivering bad news with good news, I think I have some tips for dealing with situations that result in winners and losers. And since that situation is every day, and maybe this day in particular, let’s look at some tips for navigating these circumstances.

We’ll start with the winners. Winners, if you get what you want, don’t be a jerk. Did your movie win the day? Great, but don’t rub it in to those who don’t want to see this one. Gracious winners are rare but there’s a reason those who win graciously are called “class acts” and not jack — well, you know.

If you don’t get what you want, don’t be a jerk. A good loser still wins if they don’t lose their dignity with their defeat.

Secondly, the outcome of whatever situation you’re dealing with isn’t the end of the world. It’s not, literally, since you’re reading this column. You may really hate the outcome and it may even be objectively bad — but things can always change.

Did the family go to the lake instead of to the park? Maybe it takes missing out on the park for a while to really appreciate it. Maybe it takes suffering through a few terrible visits to the lake to change the others’ thoughts on the park.

A mark of maturity is realizing how things are now, is not how things will be forever. Kids struggle with this. Parents help by providing perspective and modeling it in their actions. When you say, “There’s always next time,” it may sound trite, but it’s also true. The only thing that stays the same is everything changes. Because of that, it’s best to foster resilience rather than fixating on the disappointment.

Finally, throwing a fit doesn’t help anyone. You aren’t going to get what you want just because you scream and shout and make a scene. You’re even less likely to convince others to your side if you handle adverse results as an excuse to misbehave.

This advice only applies to kids. Or does it? I guess coping skills can be relevant at any age. And maybe on this day in particular.