Bedtime Revisited
We’ve gone through some periods of…difficult bedtimes. Recently, after struggling with getting whateveryournameis and youknowhoyouare to stay in their beds, I went to see if I had written anything about bedtime struggles with toddlers.
I’ve been through
these situations enough to know they’re just phases. However, fresh off a
frustrating bedtime routine I wanted to see if things were this troublesome
with the older boys when they were in this stage.
And I found this.
It’s a skit I wrote based on bedtime experiences with the now 11 and
12-year-old when they were three and four. I guess this is nothing new.
Setting: A typical boys bedroom with two beds and a large dresser
under a window.
MOTHER: Good night boys [closes door as she exits room]
Exactly 3 seconds later…
THREE-YEAR-OLD: [shouting] Let’s have a party!
FOUR-YEAR-OLD: [also shouting] Yes! And let’s pound on the walls that are adjacent
to the living room where Mom and Dad are sitting as if we’re trapped in a
submarine trying to communicate via Morse code!
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Brilliant! [both proceed with the aforementioned Morse
code wall pounding]
MOTHER: [Opens door] Boys, that’s enough. Go to bed.
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Ok, Mom. If we have to
talk, we will whisper. [MOTHER exits]
Exactly three seconds later...
THREE-YEAR-OLD: [not whispering] Let’s have a party!
FOUR-YEAR-OLD: Yes! And let’s jump up and
down on my bed making noises as if we’re excited monkeys who sucked in helium
while we pound on the walls that are adjacent to the living room where Mom and
Dad are sitting as if we’re trapped in a submarine trying to communicate via
Morse code!
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Brilliant! [both proceed with the aforementioned
helium sucking monkey antics and Morse code wall pounding]
MOTHER: [Opens door] Boys! That’s enough. Go to bed. If I come back here
again you will be disciplined.
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Ok, Mom. If we have to
talk we will whisper.
FOUR-YEAR-OLD: It was him [points at three-year-old]
MOTHER: Go to bed boys. Goodnight. [exits]
Exactly three seconds later…
THREE-YEAR-OLD: [not whispering] Let’s have a party!
FOUR-YEAR-OLD: Ok, but first, let’s burst
out of our room as if we’re on fire and stampede down the hall to the bathroom
where we’ll burst through that door as if we’re still on fire and then flush
the toilet an inexplicable number of times while we pretend to go pee but
actually eat toothpaste!
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Brilliant! [both proceed with the aforementioned door
bursting, toilet flushing, toothpaste snacking shenanigans]
FATHER: [In living room with MOTHER] Do they actually think they’re being
quiet?
MOTHER: I’m sure they do.
FATHER: [He walks over to the hall and the boys come tearing out of the
bathroom like missiles en route for their room, clearly employing the “If I
don’t look at you, you can’t see me” technique of detection avoidance] Stay
in bed, boys.
Exactly three seconds later…
THREE-YEAR-OLD: [actually whispering] Do
you think Dad saw us?
FOUR-YEAR-OLD: Impossible. We didn’t look
at him.
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Oh, right. Good. [definitely not whispering] Let’s have a
party!
FOUR-YEAR-OLD: Yes! And let’s push all
the items off our dresser so we can dance on top of it as if we’re over-eager
miniature Riverdancers who make up for our lack of prowess by stomping our feet
extra loudly!
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Brilliant! And then we’ll
jump up and down on your bed making noises as if we’re excited monkeys who
sucked in helium while we pound on the walls that are adjacent to the living
room where Mom and Dad are sitting as if we’re trapped in a submarine trying to
communicate via Morse code.
FOUR-YEAR-OLD: Whoa there, let’s not be
ridiculous. Let’s just stick with the emphatic dresser top riverdancing, ok?
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Ok. [both proceed with the aforementioned completely reasonable dresser top
riverdancing]
MOTHER: [walks in, turns on the light,
and witnesses FOUR-YEAR-OLD in the midst of a complicated dance step atop the
dresser] Get down. [calls to FATHER]
FATHER enters and proceeds to administer the aforementioned discipline promised to
accompany a return trip to the room.
THE END.
Until exactly one day later...