Stranger Than Fiction

Whoever said, “truth is stranger than fiction” had kids. For sure.

I know this because that quote is attributed to Mark Twain and he had kids. But I also know this because I have kids. I’m going to assume you don’t believe me and want some proof. So let’s play a little game.

I’ll give you some information or a scenario and multiple-choice answers. All you have to do is select the one answer that is true or the one answer that is fiction. Easy enough, right?

1. Which of the following is a real nickname the 3-year-old has for himself?

a. Lion mouth
b. Cranky the croc
c. The waterproof cheetah
d. J-Rex

2. Which one of these insults have I never heard the boys say to one another?

a. Poopy butt
b. Gnat head
c. Chewy butt
d. Pancake face

3. When going somewhere in the car, which vehicle gets the biggest reaction from the boys if spotted on the road?

a. A cherry picker
b. A street sweeper
c. A tow truck
d. A mail truck

4. Which of these vegetables is NOT the favorite vegetable of one of the boys?

a. Lettuce
b. Broccoli
c. Cucumber
d. Asparagus

5. Which of the following TV characters/personalities is the boys’ favorite?

a. Sponge Bob square pants
b. Mister Rogers
c. Arthur the Aardvark
d. Bob Ross

 OK, now for the answers. For question one the true answer is…the waterproof cheetah. To give an example of when he says this, he’ll be in the backyard and announce, “the waterproof cheetah is going to run now!” and off he goes. No, it’s not raining when he says this and I’m not sure that would even make it any more reasonable.

Parents don’t want to hear their kids flinging insults at each other. They don’t even want them to insult each other at all. But there have been some creative ones fired off recently. Like pancake face. I’m not sure what it was intended to convey or why it’s even an insult, but it was used as one. As was the incredibly uncreative, “poopy butt.” The final insult I heard was…chewy butt. Which in addition to being an insulting thing to say is two words that should never be put next to each other. If you’re scoring your quiz at home, B was the correct answer.

Tow truck seems like it would be the right answer. And they are definitely excited to see them, especially if their sirens (flashers) are on. But nothing causes the boys to lose their cool more than spotting a street sweeper plodding down the road. One time, we saw a miniature street sweeper cleaning up a street and I thought the boys were going to overturn the van in excitement. Strange as it may sound, there’s no vehicle more exciting to spot than the humble street sweeper.

No kid likes broccoli. Wrong! Well, even many adults don’t like asparagus. True. But one of my kids loves it. Cucumbers are just green garden submarines waiting to be made into pickles. True, but they’re several of the boys’ favorite as well. Which leaves lettuce. But that’s the 8-year-old’s favorite vegetable (somehow). That’s right, this was a trick question. All of these green veggies are a favorite of at least one of the boys.

Ok, on to the last question. This one wasn’t a trick but it’s tricky nevertheless. The boys have never seen Sponge Bob so that one’s out. Despite being the only other animated character on this list Arthur is out as well. So that leaves Fred Rogers (the famous cardigan-clad host of PBS’s Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood) and Bob Ross (the Afro-wearing and soft-spoken host of PBS’s painting program The Joy of Painting).

And the winner is: Bob Ross. They think his paintings are great and crack up at his “happy little trees” comments. Ross passed away more than two decades ago, and yet his ability to garner fans lives on.

How’d you do on the quiz? I think a score of anything less than 4/5 is proof of Mark Twain’s quote.

So you tell me: is truth stranger than fiction?