Silly Daddy, Parades are for Kids
We took the family to the annual town Christmas Parade recently and I’d like to share three observations and their accompanying assertions. Parades always start late; Parades are always unfair; Parades are always a hit with kids.
To kids who have waited weeks for a parade, even an on-time parade is late. The 3-year-old must have asked every morning for a month, “are we going to the parade today?” By the time the parade was supposed to start, the 3-year-old was straining his eyes looking up the parade route to spot the slightest sign it was coming.
This isn’t my first rodeo (or my first parade) so I knew there would be a delay getting the show on the road. Which there was. I’ve concluded this is 100% intentional. I think the parade organizers know the build-up is almost as important as the actual procession so they string it out. By the time the first float is coming down the road the kids are ready to cheer even if they’re tossing broccoli from the float instead of candy.
There was no broccoli thrown at the parade but there was a wide range of candy, toys, and prizes. Which brings me to the second assertion: parades are always unfair to kids.
Sometimes your cute younger brother gets loaded with lollipops while you only get a crushed miniature candy cane.
Sometimes your friend in a Texas A&M jersey gets tons of extra candy canes because every 12th man marching in the parade is apparently an undercover Aggie looking for a maroon-clad child to rain candy upon.
Sometimes not just one, but two of your brothers are “the chosen ones” when the Gel Blaster float comes down the street and they each get a free, brand new Gel Blaster gun with 10,000 extra “gellets” while all you get is hit in the face by a rubber wrist band advertising a school.
Such is the nature of parades. They are inherently unfair and unpredictable. Which side of the street you’re on, how many kids are around, how tall you are, what you’re wearing or thousands of other variables can make the difference between getting the special something and getting…hit in the face by a rubber band advertising a school.
A quick word on those Gel Blasters. Whoever convinced that company that giving out $40 Gel Blasters (battery powers guns that shoot small, water balls that burst on contact) at a parade was a good idea…is an absolute genius. And picked the perfect family to gift them to. None of the boys had ever used a Gel Blaster before and they love them. They were instantly added to everyone else’s Christmas lists and that company will make back this promotional spend 10X if they continue to go through gellets at the current rate of 5,000 per day.
Which brings me to my final parade assertion: they are always a hit with kids. I’m convinced if the city sent a line of any type of vehicles (garbage trucks, tractors, utility trucks, etc) down a street followed by a single fire engine with its lights on they could get away with calling it a parade as far as the kids are concerned. And since all the parades I’ve been to have not only featured a fire truck but police cars, floats, motorcycles and old trucks, costumed people, bands, and/or horses there’s no way a kid is leaving disappointed.