I’m Not that Dad

When meeting someone for the first time, you often ask and field some common questions: What do you do for a living? What are your hobbies? Do you have kids? You know, normal break the ice stuff to get to know someone. 

But for us middle-aged fathers a more telling question would be: what kind of dad are you NOT? 

Because at this point in life the die is pretty much cast. You can look at the aspirations you had about what kind of dad you were going to be as a new father and divide what is from what turned out to be wishful thinking. I will be the dad who can let his son know he’s out of line with one quiet look. Well, it’s been 12 years and I think we can make an official call: I’m not that dad. 

I’m also not the dad who has an old truck in the garage that he works on. Oh, I wanted to be that dad. I even tried to be that dad when I bought a beat up old truck and managed to get it into the garage years ago. Despite the boys having fond memories of this very short lived phase (mostly summed up by them regularly saying and I quote: remember how we’d go driving in the old white truck and your door would always fling open? That was great.”) I learned the sad lesson that: I was not that dad. 

I’m not the dad who can do anything even remotely messy (check the air in the tires, fix a bike chain, crack an egg) in a white shirt and not get it stained. I can’t even do these things in a dark blue shirt and not get it stained. There are dads who can change the ink cartridge on a ballpoint pen while jumping on a pogo stick in a white tee shirt and finish looking like Mr. Clean. I am not that dad. 

I’m not the dad who is an expert at putting in car seats. This one is almost inexcusable given the number of car seats I’ve installed, uninstalled, and moved around. Yet this has to be in the top three dad skills I don’t possess. There is something counterintuitive to me about tightening the anchoring system on a car seat. 

I know by now that you can’t just yank on the anchor to tighten it down, but that’s what I always end up doing in the moment. And it doesn’t work. No part of this makes sense. Not the design for sure, but also not my continued attempts to knowingly cinch it down the wrong way. If you’ve ever touched a hot plate after being told it’s hot, then maybe you get this. Regardless, car seat master installer? I’m not that dad.

I’m not the “old man snoring” dad you might be familiar with from the children’s rhyme. At least not yet. The dad that falls asleep on the couch, can nap anywhere, or can sleep through waking kids in the night is a well known stereotype. Yet the experience is foreign to me. I think my hearing at night when asleep is better than in the day. 

I still have aspirations as a father, but they’re significantly more tempered due to my dad experiences. Does that mean I’m giving up and giving in though? Nope. I’m not that dad.