The Perfect Family Vehicle

Kids have a way of reasoning that is…singular. Perhaps I should say “curious” or “odd” or “interesting.” I’ve been amused many times by a child coming up with a perfectly ridiculous idea, while also weaving perfectly reasonable ideas into the mix. 

There’s a business that auctions off vehicles near our house. They’ll often have old police cars, work vehicles, and even ambulances parked on the lot in advance of an auction. And let me tell you. Nothing gets my boys’ attention faster than an emergency vehicle. 

So, because of the aforementioned decommissioned emergency vehicles parked at the auction house, the boys often crane their necks to get a look at the new offerings when we drive by. And then the 6-year-old saw it. Despite his mouth in the backseat being less than 30 inches from my ears in the driver’s seat he exclaimed at full volume, “that would be the perfect car for our family!”

Being focused on driving, I hadn’t looked over at the lot so I wasn’t sure what vehicle he had seen. “Was it a school bus or an even bigger van than The Hulk (our 12 passenger van)?” I asked. 

“No, no, Dad, it was a garbage truck!”

To be clear, this was not a joke. Not only was there a garbage truck for sale (I know, this prompts so many questions) but the 6-year-old was in earnest about the merits of a garbage truck being our next family car. 

This is the part where the completely ridiculous idea gets peppered with some details that aren’t so ridiculous and maybe even practical.

He pointed out the garbage truck is large so everyone could fit in the back. Plus, it has those small platforms on either side of the back that the oldest two boys could ride on while holding onto the side. There’s space in the back for all the groceries we get every week. It’s also a tall vehicle and I’m tall (he  was even looking out for his ol’ Dad’s comfort). 

I laughed at these ideas and then asked if he would want to modify the back of the garbage truck so there were seats in it. Definitely not. He said it would be better if there were no seats and if it still had the large opening in the back, “so we could see up.” I guess one man’s gaping hole is another kid’s sunroof. 

Then he got to the best part. He and his brothers could, “cannonball onto everything in the back.”

That’s right. Not only did he not want to modify the back of the garbage truck to have such luxuries as seats and a roof  — he wanted it to still have trash in it! 

Needless to say, my thoughts on having a garbage truck as a family car weren’t as favorable as his and we didn’t bid on the garbage truck (although I sure would’ve liked to know what that thing went for). I admit, the one upside I could see would’ve been the fantastic bumper sticker this would have allowed us to put on The Hulk: my other car is a garbage truck.