The Shrieking, an Update
About a year ago I wrote a column about the then 9-month-old being in the stage I called “The Shrieking”. I literally measured his decibel level (to scientifically confirm what my ringing ears already knew) and shared the results. Motorcycle level decibels, people.
Well, since that time three things have happened. The baby has outgrown that stage (hip hip, hooray!). My hearing has advanced to that of an 80-year-old. And I have received many emails from moms wanting to know: when does The Shrieking stop?
I don’t know what specific search terms addled, sleep deprived moms are typing in at 4am but somehow the Internet keeps directing them to the Shrieking column from July 2021. I answer all these emails as honestly and encouragingly as I can, but thought an update on that column would be helpful.
For one, I bet this means there are a lot of parents who have read this, had the same question(s) but didn’t write in. Also, for those impacted by this in the future this will hopefully give you context and a glimpse of a quieter future that is coming. Yes, really.
Here are the questions I’m getting with answers. Usually this first one is in all caps (probably because they’re typing over the shrieking) but I’ll spare you here.
Q: How long does this go on?
A: I wish I could tell you it’ll stop soon, but The Shrieking didn’t stop with our baby until a little after he turned one.
The better (non)answer is: It’s just a phase. Like almost all toddler behavior, there’s a built-in expiration date. The downside is you don’t know when that will be. Based on my experience with other people writing in about their shrieking babies, I think you’re probably at peak shriek right now. So…yay?
Q: How did you keep from going crazy?
A: I got a decibel meter and turned the moments the baby was shrieking at chainsaw level into opportunities to get great decibel reading. Then I wrote a column about it. This is a great answer because 1) it’s true, 2) it shows the frequent unhelpfulness in trying to compare parenting experiences and 3) it provides a general idea that’s applicable to problem solving any number of difficulties: try and turn the issue into an opportunity if you can.
Q: Do you think it’s related to a particularly physical milestone? Standing, walking, etc
A: I’m not a credentialed expert when it comes to dealing with toddlers impersonating howler monkeys so I can only speak for my experience. There does seem to be some correlation between the baby/toddler being able to communicate using words and the abatement of the shrieking. But some kids, even once they are able to speak basic words, just tend to be shriekers.
Q: Seriously, when is this going to stop?
A: In the end, I think the shrieking is a lot like bed wetting, night terrors, or any number of other fairly common childhood behaviors: it’s just got to run its course. Some kids are worse than others (I still think my shrieker was in the 99th percentile for volume) but there will be a day when it will be just a memory. Maybe even a funny one. Maybe.