How to Say No as a Parent

Parents have to say no. A lot. Kids often don’t know what’s good for them and ask for or try to do incredibly foolish things. However, with so many ways to say no, which way is the best for which situation?

For your guidance while navigating the world of no, here’s a Daddy Days introduction to saying no to your kids.

Level 1: Everyday Nos

No. The gold standard. A one-word sentence of simple instruction. 

NO! The excited version of the standard. Apply sparingly due to the risk of watering down the original no. Interestingly, you can substitute, “hey!” and it works just as well. 

No, no, no, no. Usually accompanies a physical movement to stop a toddler from reaching into the trash, touching something hot, or eating dog food. 

Level 2: The Tactful Nos. 

Not right now. Lots of power in this soft no. Paints a promising future of maybe later without any commitment. 

Maybe later. Another soft no, although this one tends to become a yes or a no in its own right. Say it enough and the kids will learn, “maybe later” means definitely no, or definitely yes depending on how you always follow it up. 

Uh-uh. It’s no without saying no. Best for pre-verbal kids. Often delivered by a parent and followed by an impish look from a 15-month-old who’s going to do exactly what they know they aren’t supposed to. 

Shaking your head and maintaining solid eye contact. A non-verbal no is needed for certain social situations and is very powerful when administered sparingly. The older kids know this is as clear a sign as a bull lowering its head and stomping on the ground. 

Level 3: The Mind Trick Nos

Yes, but you need to X first. How great is this? You literally say yes and mean no. Toddler communication wizardry. 

The wordless no. Arch an eyebrow, tilt your head slightly, wrinkle your nose in a questioning manner, and let the clear communication of “no” flow wordlessly from your face. These are great for those times when a kid is clearly asking for something they know better than to be requesting. Example situation:

Kid: Can I have a hippopotamus for Christmas?

Parent: [Deploys the wordless no look].

And, of course, there’s this classic.

Don’t even think about it. It’s a preclusionary no. And despite most kids not knowing what preclusionary means they’ll get what you mean when you say it.