The Head Injury Kid

I’m seriously considering renaming the 3-year-old Head Injury. I know it sounds kind of mean, but if you’ve been around him, well at all, you know it’s not inaccurate. It’s like the kid took the phrase, “use your head” literally.

But first some words in his defense. It’s unfortunate, and the reality of all kids around 36” tall, that so much is at head level. The sharp corner of counter tops are at forehead level for the average 3-year-old. Door knobs are at eye level, and while at first impression it might seem like this would make them easier to see, in reality it means you can also bump your head on them when  running by at lightning speed. And since most 3-year-olds know only one speed (lightning) the ratio of door knob on head collisions is concentrated in this population.

However, despite decent evidence the home environment is conspiring against the 3-feet-tall, the 3-year-old still hits his head on things way too much. He was walking up to the porch last week, tripped (on nothing), and fell headlong into a potted plant.

It made a heavy thud, and since the pot was sitting on the concrete it was one of those times as a parent where you’re not sure which extreme of the injury range you’re on: if that thud was the reverberation of his head hitting the concrete we’re going to be en route for medical care. If that thud was the hollow echo of the terra cotta pot absorbing the blow then we’re probably looking at a goose egg and some crying.

Thankfully in this case it was the latter. Except he caught the edge of the top of the pot so he got a cut across his eyebrow instead of the goose egg you see from a solid, flat impact. Sigh. I know my external head injuries. Butterfly bandages are your friend in avoiding stitches with these sorts of awkward cuts and he was sporting one on his eyebrow for a few days.  The only downside to butterfly bandages, according to the 3-year-old, is they, “hurt really bad when I try and make a mad face.” I told him I thought going a few days without making a mad face was a good tradeoff to avoid stitches.

A couple days after he headbutted the pot, my parents gave me baseball helmet. They didn’t even know about this injury so no, it was not in response to his little accident. However, as a joke I put it on the 3-year-old and said mock seriously: There you go. This is your new helmet. You’ll wear it everywhere all the time so you don’t smack your head.

That kid was 100% on board. He truly thought this was a great idea so I guess he was getting pretty tired of whacking his head on things too. I told him I was just kidding and that it was a baseball helmet, but when we went outside later he literally stopped before leaving the house and said, “wait, Dad, I need my new helmet!”

I paused for a moment and almost went to get the helmet. I didn’t though because I figured that would encourage him to intentionally use his head like a battering ram. And we need at least a few intact terra cotta pots.