Verb-Only Parenting

Do you really need any other part of speech than verbs to parent? I’m not sure you do. Or at least after your kids have reached age five or so, parenting is really just saying verbs. Don’t believe me? Continue. 

Eat. You may have once had grand ideas about your kids eating without a fuss (or with anything resembling efficiency) but by now you know that’s just not how things work. Who needs adjectives or nouns now that you know it doesn’t matter what you're eating or how well you sell it, they just need to eat it. 

Quiet. Once upon a time you thought quiet was a noun. And perhaps, for the single or parent of well behaved girls it is, but not in this household. The verb form (see silence and hush) is the only useful form of this word now. 

Brush (your teeth). I don’t know why teeth brushing is a fight. Especially with all the cake icing flavored toothpaste and glow in the dark tooth brushes. But it is. And it’s a fight against other verbs like splash, chew (my kids are part gerbil), hit, and throw. Just brush your teeth. 

Go. Dr. Seuss was onto something with that book, “Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now!” He certainly captured that curious phenomenon of parenting where the middle name gets used when someone’s in trouble. However, he wasted a lot of time and words rhyming when the book could have just been called “Go.” It would still be the same number of pages though, because “go” just doesn’t sink in the first 30 times. 

Come. The 2-year-old has adopted this as his favorite imperative. He gets it, sometimes you just need whoever you’re talking to, to come to you. And when your audience is children, you always need them to come to you when you’re talking to them. 

Stop. Is there a more prolific parenting verb? No, no there is not. Fighting, running, hitting, screaming, crying, climbing, pulling, biting, etc. Imagine not being able to toss stop in front of any of these and you’ll get a taste of its utility. 

Sleep. The most futile verb in parenting. Probably also one of the most popular ones in conversation (he didn’t sleep well, no one slept last night, what is this sleep thing you speak of? etc). 

Share. You’re going to say this a lot if your kid has siblings, friends, or ice cream. Also nearly futile. 

Wash. For a germaphobe there are few more important verbs. While it most often is specific to the hands and after using the restroom, it’s also applicable at bath time. Kids seems to think a thorough bathing means standing under the shower head for 7 seconds. No, no. Wash!