Baby Watch 2018

Now that our fifth finally arrived, it seems like a good a time to provide a brief recap of the waiting experience the fifth time through. Kind of like a castaway documenting time spent waiting to be rescued, or a NASA scientist journaling the days leading up to a rocket launch, I have some notes on the experience. 

T-minus 30 days to due date: I force myself to actually go through the process of what needs to happen if labor starts. I assume it will be in the middle of the night (babies are jerks). Do I know where the overnight bags are? Do I know who I’m calling to stay with the kids? Do I know what route I’m taking to the birthing center? 

T-minus 29 days to due date: That first run-through didn’t take, so I go through the checklist again. This time I make note of any answers that are not a solid yes. As a practical matter I’ll be sure to have solid yes answers directly, but the possibility of labor starting is still too far off to be a clear and present concern. 

T-minus 21 days to due date: Ambushed by a dad panic. The kids are being insane, the dishwasher is broken, it’s 100 degrees outside, the electric meter is whirring like a ceiling fan, and we’re about to add another kid to the mix. 

T-minus 14 days to due date: If at all possible, I try and attend this week’s prenatal appointment. I don’t need any tips and there isn’t anything new to cover, but it’s like taking a practice run of the downhill ski course before an olympic run. Actually, it’s more like going to the slopes to scout out a good seat to spectate while my wife skis down the hill naked. I think my metaphors are getting mixed up… 

T-minus 10 days to due date: Things get real. My wife has delivered this early before so I’m on the lookout for tell-tale signs. There are none. Every time is different and last time’s bellwether means nothing this time so it’s really just day one of anxious anticipation. Yay. 

T-minus 7 days to due date: Labor starting is a clear and present danger. There’s no escaping this as the theme of, “your wife is about to pop,” becomes the talking point of the day. For everyone. 

T-minus 3 days to due date: This is it! Clearly this baby is coming tonight. Excited, anxious, prepared.

T-minus 2 days to due date: Ok, today! This. Is. It. 

T-minus 1 day to due date: Is this baby ever going to come? The tension starts to bleed into family life. 

Due date: What a fantastic misnomer. Nothing. I think I heard the baby say, “suckers!” from in the womb though. 

T-plus 1 day past due date: Coming to you from the other side and reporting absolutely nothing.

T-plus 3 days past due date: Somehow it feels even less likely now than it did a week ago. Some of the nerves are gone, but only because they’re shot from overuse. Starting to mess with family members. Sent a text that said, “guess what we had…?” Followed by a picture of the tacos we had for dinner. So tired of waiting. 

T-plus 4 days past due date: Fine, just stay in your womb then. 

T-plus 6 days past due date: Halfway through the day and still no baby. It occurs to me I should have this column published today, before the baby is born, so you get some sense of the pins and needles we’re waiting on. But I won’t.

T-Plus 7 days past due date: Houston, we have lift off! Baby (boy) number five is born! 

T-Minus 365 days until age 1: Here we go again...