The Tools of Fatherhood

In the toolbox of fatherhood there are many tools. There’s patience, discipline, encouragement, instruction, responsibility, etc. Different kids and varying scenarios call for different tools.

But sometimes the toolbox of fatherhood is an actual toolbox. 

So, instead of talking about patience or responsibility, today we’re going to talk about the truly indispensable tools of fatherhood: duct tape, power washers, and shop vacuums. 

If beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy, duct tape is proof men will find the simplest way to solve a problem in order to have more time to drink beer. What if we just duct tape it? You don’t even need to know the context to know that it will probably work, at least for a while. The toolbox of fatherhood should be stocked with duct tape. 

There’s a certain sense of power a father feels when using a power washer. Not unlike when applying duct tape, the power washer gives you the feeling of being able to conquer anything. It is decidedly not the right tool for so many things (fixing fence posts, trimming tree branches, washing the cat, etc) but in the throes of power washing the patio a father can be forgiven for thinking the power washer wand is as magical as its name suggests. 

The toolbox of fatherhood should have a power washer. Actually, since they’re kind of unwieldy and only needed periodically, this is one of those tools you want your in-laws to own so you can borrow. Sometimes the toolbox of fatherhood is supplied with borrowed tools. 

However, hands down my most used power tool is my shop vacuum. In a house with this many boys, there are messes a regular vacuum cowers from in the corner. Not the shop vac. From sucking the water out of a clogged dishwasher to sucking up the pounds of sand these boys have tracked into the house, it has never failed me.

In most houses the sound of a glass cup or bowl breaking is followed by the sound of someone verbalizing disappointment or frustration at breaking something. In our house it’s followed by me triumphantly proclaiming, “I’ll get the shop vac!”

There is one more tool that’s super important for a father who does any sort of maintenance or home repair: the tape measure. If for no other reason than to remind you of the adage, measure twice cut once. The planning mindset a tape measure encourages is very important. Especially when you have a history of not stopping to verify if that new piece of furniture you found on Craigslist for free will fit through the door before bringing it home.

So stock those tool boxes, fathers. Because you never know when you might need a shop vac, it’s always a good time to power wash, and duct tape can fix anything. Just be sure to measure first.