Kids Products that Drive Parents Crazy
There seem to be a handful of people in the world who are creating products for kids just to destroy the sanity of parents. And while this could be accidental (maybe these people don’t have kids or have never met a kid) I doubt it. I think their assault on parents is intentional.
What did parents do to so greatly offend the makers of kids’ cereals? Did we fail to invite them to a party? Did we call them names? Did we “pants” them in front of the entire student body in middle school?
Surely we parents must have horribly mistreated them to deserve the retribution they have unleashed on us in the form of breakfast cereal.
“Just wait until you have kids,” said the conspiring cereal makers. “We’ll spend years crafting a marketing plan that is irresistible to kids. There will be cartoon animals, commercials during every kids show, shelf placement in stores that force kids to look at colorful and beautiful looking boxes of dessert-like offerings, and then we’ll load that cereal with the bane of parents’ existence: pure sugar.” Insert evil villain laugh here.
They hide their evil plan well behind bold declarations that their cereal is “nutritious” or made with “whole grain.” But make no mistake, these terms are just distractions from the true content of nearly every kids cereal.
No parent in their right mind would serve their kids a tablespoon of granulated sugar dissolved in 4 ounces of milk for breakfast. And yet, if you’ve ever fed your kid Frosted Flakes (or Froot Loops, Cocoa Krispies, Frosted Mini Wheats, etc) that’s in effect what you’re doing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not calling you out if you give your kids these cereals. I’m right there with you. I’m even nostalgically attached to some kids’ cereals because it was such a treat when I was a kid. It’s just that I regret falling for the cereal maker’s tricks (or would that be Trix?) 30 minutes after feeding it to my kids. Because they go crazy. It’s like someone just pumped them full of refined sugar. Oh, that was me…
Kids cereal makers are right up there with the inventors of the kids drum set and glitter. These people just want to make parents’ lives miserable. Do you like the sound of un-rhythmic banging accompanied by the ear-shattering clash of symbols? Well, parents, do we have the gift for you…\\
And glitter is a WMD (Weapon of Mess Dispersion) in the parenting world. It. Gets. Everywhere. Two years after one of the boys made some craft that involved glitter, I still find glittery remnants around the house. And in the car. And in my pockets.
So far, I’ve avoided the whole kids’ drum set thing (this is not a challenge, aunts and uncles) and although a permanent scourge, glitter rarely makes it into the house.
Sugary breakfast cereals are a foregone conclusion however. They say if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. So I’m going to go pour a bowl of Lucky Charms right now. And then hide the box from the kids.