My Kids the Backseat Drivers
My kids are the worst backseat drivers. Specifically, the 4 and 5-year-olds since the other two are in rear-facing car seats and that would be a whole new level of know-it-allness.
It begins the second I start the engine. The 4-year-old immediately asks, "Dad, can you turn on the cold air?" So, 1) the car has been on for no more than 5 seconds 2) it’s pre-summer in Texas so of course I'm going to turn the A/C on, and 3 ) he insists on calling it "cold air" instead of A/C which is very elitist. Even for a kid who can't tie his own shoes.
And you just know a passenger like this is going to have comments to share about your driving. And he’s not alone.
The 5-year-old's go-to first request is, "can you turn up the radio?" This sharp inquiry also comes only seconds after the engine starts and occasionally even before the van is running. Half the time he says he doesn't like whatever song is playing so I'm not certain why the volume level is so important. Maybe he wants it loud enough to declare it displeases him.
The royal highnesses in the third row only get worse as we get moving. They alternate between lobbying for going "a new way" or requesting we go a particular way to our destination. Rush hour traffic, accidents, and the GPS have no apparent influence on them.
If we're stuck in one lane, regardless of where our exit is, what the relevant traffic laws are, or safety in general, they’re providing rock solid guidance from the rear of the van such as: "That lane is moving." "Let's get in the lane with the moving cars." "You drive like grandma." Alright, that last one's not true. Yet.
It’s not hard to see where these backseat driver tendencies started. The oldest, back when he was just two years old, was commenting on my driving. We’d get stuck at a red light, and he would start shouting, “Go! Go!” And since the next oldest is starting to take after him, I can only assume the younger two will soon. Maybe I can get one of those plexiglass backseat dividers police cars have installed so I can’t hear them?
Thankfully, there has been little to none of the stereotypical, “are we there yet?” coming from the peanut gallery thus far. But we also haven’t driven more than about 2 hours at a time so I’m sure that will come.
We don’t have built-in TVs or use tablets in the car, but I can sort of see the appeal here. If they’re sucked into a cartoon show, they certainly shouldn’t have time to provide real time traffic reports from the back seat.
In about 10 years, this will all come full circle however. And I can’t wait until they get their learner’s permits.