Reality vs. Expectation
The space between my expectations of the boys and how things play out in reality seems to be getting further apart. Maybe it’s because there are twice as many of them as there were two years ago. Or maybe it’s because my expectations increased with each kid. Whatever the reason, things keep going differently than I picture in my head.
Scenario: An adult we know approaches us and asks the kids how they are.
Expectation: The boys (at least the older two) make eye contact and say hi or some sort of appropriate human child response.
Reality: Silence. Fingers go in mouths and eyes get glued to the floor. The baby might grunt.
Scenario: The kids are told to pick up their toys.
Expectation: The boys stop what they’re doing and begin placing toys in the general location they belong.
Reality: The lone toll of a bell marking the death of childhood rings out and the boys collapse in a collective heap under the hopeless sentence that has just been delivered. The plaintive cry of, “Why me?” emanates from their mouths and slothlike inertia arrests any animation previously contained in their bodies.
Scenario: I say, “don’t run.”
Expectation: The boys stop running.
Reality: The boys run faster and attempt to get out of earshot so they can pretend they couldn't hear me.
Scenario: I’m raking leaves and the boys want to help.
Expectation: The boys provide minor assistance by putting leaves in the lawn bags and also jump in some of the piles.
Reality: The 5-year-old gets a spade and starts digging up the lawn while the 3-year-old picks up the five-foot-long rake and runs around the yard waving it like some sort of medieval warrior celebrating victory by flying high his country’s banner.
Scenario: My wife takes one kid to the doctor for a check-up and the other kids go along.
Expectation: The kid getting the check up gets upset but the other kids stay fairly quiet and try not to be noticed.
Reality: The chain reaction of screaming starts as soon as the nurse enters the exam room. Everyone is wailing about not wanting to get shots and refuses to believe they’re actually not getting shots. The pediatrician is so overwhelmed they decide to leave pediatric care forever. Ok, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. It’s only happened twice.
Scenario: My wife says, “keep the water in the bathtub” during bath time.
Expectation: The boys make a passable effort at limiting their splashing.
Reality: The National Weather Service sends out a flash flood warning after detecting the large volume of water rushing out of the tub and into the greater bathroom area. My wife may or may not require a life preserver.