Of Guys and Men

I have four boys so I’m an expert on all things male.  And, as a fallaciously self-proclaimed expert on all things male, I’d like to share an observation about our sex that is more logically grounded than the preceding argument.

It seems males used to go from being classified as boys, to young men, to men. Now, we go from boys, to teenage boys, to guys, and sometimes to men. This is a problem.

Pop culture has demonstrated that the new norm is for males to become “guys” in their mid to late teens and stay guys until their thirties -- at which point it's some woman’s job to turn them into a responsible man.  Yikes.

There is another term that I’m hearing more often that more clearly brings this reality to light:  man-child. It’s a self explanatory term for an adult male who acts like a child. And it’s a problem.

This infantilizing of adulthood is leading to an extremely low bar being set for males. This low bar has created the implicit (or explicit) expectation that young males are to be irresponsible, selfish, and boorish.

And the thing is, boys like this. They want to be guys not men. It's fun to be a guy, because you’re expected to act on your base desires. We live in a society strengthening the notion that it’s a good idea to afford young males the responsibility of children and the freedom of men.

Psychology, college culture, a society bursting at the seams with luxury in the form of being able to never grow up, all say adolescence does or should last longer. They say our brains aren’t fully developed yet, or we’re still finding ourselves, or YOLO! -- so have fun while you’re young.

There is a time for the “boys will be boys” excuse and that time is, well, WHEN THEY ARE BOYS.

It's funny to me that more and more toddlers are being dressed like adults and more and more adult males are dressing like little boys. The shoes certainly don't make the man, but they can sure make him look like an idiot.

It’s a duty to be a man. It’s a lot of responsibility and involves a lot of sacrifice of self (whether that’s for family, for others, or for country). It’s that much harder for young men when the rug of “guy” expectations is pulled out from under them when they are forced to grow up in real world conditions.

It's true, being a guy is fun. But it's also true, and more important, that being a man is fulfilling and something worth encouraging our boys toward.