Left Out
The boys are at a point where a one or two year difference in age represents an unbridgeable chasm between them. At least when it comes to physical capabilities.
The three and four-year-old are able to do a lot of the same activities. With the exception of riding a bike, there’s very little the four-year-old can do that the three-year-old can’t. The baby can’t do anything (borrr-iing) but the 18-month-old is just old enough to know what the older two are doing but unable to participate in it.
And frankly, this means he gets left out a lot.
It is absolutely heartbreaking to see his eyes tear up as he stands by the door watching his two older brothers leave with me on an errand. Especially after he has eagerly put shoes on (not necessarily his) and placed himself in front of the door. He’s like the world’s cutest and least effective peaceful protester.
And he puts so much effort into proactively preparing for a departure. If he hears the keys, sees me getting shoes, or hears the word "go" he races to the shoe bin and then plops himself in front of me pointing at his shoes to demonstrate how ready he is for whatever trip is about to take place. He’s like the main character from that John Fogerty song “Centerfield” but instead of “put me in coach” he’s saying, “let me come, Dad!”
The problem is, one of the realities of being one of the younger siblings means there are lots of things you’re too young to do. The three and four-year-old have the ability to, among other things: walk long distances, speak, go to the bathroom on their own, and follow directions (sort of).
So, as sad as it is, the 18-month-old oftentimes doesn’t get to come along. However, being a younger brother myself, I was aware of this situation and despite being impressed with how much those sad eyes could sway me (I’m pretty sure I heard that Sarah McLachlan song from the ASPCA commercial one time) I was prepared to play the “not this time, kiddo” card.
It is absolutely heartbreaking to see his eyes tear up as he stands by the door watching his two older brothers leave with me on an errand. Especially after he has eagerly put shoes on (not necessarily his) and placed himself in front of the door. He’s like the world’s cutest and least effective peaceful protester.
And he puts so much effort into proactively preparing for a departure. If he hears the keys, sees me getting shoes, or hears the word "go" he races to the shoe bin and then plops himself in front of me pointing at his shoes to demonstrate how ready he is for whatever trip is about to take place. He’s like the main character from that John Fogerty song “Centerfield” but instead of “put me in coach” he’s saying, “let me come, Dad!”
The problem is, one of the realities of being one of the younger siblings means there are lots of things you’re too young to do. The three and four-year-old have the ability to, among other things: walk long distances, speak, go to the bathroom on their own, and follow directions (sort of).
So, as sad as it is, the 18-month-old oftentimes doesn’t get to come along. However, being a younger brother myself, I was aware of this situation and despite being impressed with how much those sad eyes could sway me (I’m pretty sure I heard that Sarah McLachlan song from the ASPCA commercial one time) I was prepared to play the “not this time, kiddo” card.
What I was less prepared for was the challenge of differentiating the oldest from his younger brother. He gets slighted because I often limit what we're doing to what the three-year-old is capable of. Which, from a parenting standpoint is often practical, but also unfair to him. The three-year-old probably gets the advantage of being challenged to keep up just as much as the four-year-old gets the disadvantage of being held back to what his younger brother can do.
Perhaps the fact that the oldest also gets shortchanged can be reassuring to the younger one when he’s left out. Although, neither situation is going to stay that way for long. At some point the benefits of being the oldest and most capable kick in and that one or two year age deficiency the younger one suffers from won’t be so limiting.