Daddy Days Olympics

With all the hoopla around the Rio Olympics, I thought it would be only fitting for our family to have our own Olympics of sorts. After all, what is Pflugerville if not the Rio de Janeiro of North America. Without the shanty towns and Zika.

The opening ceremonies (aka, breakfast) started off smooth enough, although there was a uniform controversy the media latched on to. The three-year-old showed up with his shirt on backward and wild speculations were made regarded what this statement meant. The two most likely theories were that 1) he was attempting to bring awareness to the plight of the factory workers in the foreign country his shirt was made in by wearing it with the tag in front or 2) he put his shirt on backwards.

However, soon enough the games were underway. The 18-month-old was awarded gold in the most oatmeal spilled on the floor competition. The worst landing at the breakfast table events was achieved by the three-year-old who fell out of his chair. He did not stick the landing.

Although many of these games are unique to the Daddy Days Olympics, our version does contain events that are in the actual Olympics. For example, swimming. The three-year-old swam the 10 meter floatie-assisted freestyle in just under, oh I don’t know, five hours. I use the term “swim” loosely. He pretty much just floats.

We have a sprinting event as well. In our case, the oldest two sprint down the hall to race to the kitchen to be the first to tell Mom or Dad that, “the baby had a blowout!” I'm not sure who won that competition but Mom was the clear loser.

Also, just like with the Olympic high dive, the least splashing in the bathtub event gets you the most points. There were very few points awarded in this competition.

Unlike the games in Rio, the Daddy Days Olympics doesn’t include beach volleyball, because that involves too much sand eating. It also doesn’t include an equestrian jumping event, because our house does not include equestrians.

While French fries don't exactly resemble javelins (that's those long pointy throwing sticks, Texans, not the feral pig-like mammals you're thinking of) the 18-month-old uses them as if they were.  He had an impressive second attempt tossing the spear where the fry cleared his high chair tray, the table, and almost the dining room before striking his brother in the face. Another reason not to have loose javelins lying around the house.

The 18-month-old quickly established his status as the Russia of the Daddy Days Olympics. He would throw a fit when he didn't get his way and was caught using performance enhancing supplements (aka eating crayons). While the Daddy Days Olympic committee agreed the effects of ingesting crayons may not provide any scientifically proven benefits for competitors, they are a banned substance and result in disqualification. In protest of being suspended for eating crayons, the 18-month-old proceeded to vandalize the wall of the track and field facility (aka the front hallway) with crayons.

The medal ceremonies were somewhat of a disaster. When the 18-month-old’s anthem (“I Wish I were a Giant”) played, all the competitors lost it, and started dancing, jumping, and running into each other. The dignity of the Daddy Days Olympics was seriously called into question.

But we of the Daddy Days Olympics committee  are undeterred and will move forward with plans for the next Olympics in four years. I'm thinking we’ll focus on outdoor events. Far away from the crayons.