The Tradeoff

More and more I find myself weighing what I’ll call the marginally fun versus the completely unbearable. These experiences run the gamut of  “family friendly” events from kid workshops at home improvement stores to firework shows on the Fourth of July.

Part of the problem is I don’t like crowds, so most “fun” activities only qualify as marginally fun to me from the start. Being forced to share an experience with 20 - 20,000 other strangers isn’t really my cup of tea.

So when I put the kibosh on attending say, a Christmas light display, I'm caught somewhere between feeling like a jerk and a genius. A jerk, because hypothetically speaking the experience may be fun for the kids and my wife. A genius, because all too often the kids don't have fun at these events, or we deal with loading everyone up, fighting traffic, searching for parking, and arriving at a crowded site where the boys refuse to participate in any activities and just want to go home. Who needs that?

Sometimes I think these events are social experiments designed by a sadistic anthropologist working on a career spanning project called, “Study to Ascertain How Much the Domesticated Man will Endure in Order to Appease his Wife’s Desire to have a Family Picture at a Festive Event.”

To me, these occasions are similar to professional sporting events. They're made to look exciting and entertaining when you see them on TV, but when you get there you find yourself sitting at Mt. Everest height, in the last row, in a seat that sort of feels like it’s loose, looking down at what may be pee-wee football players throwing an acorn sized object back and forth.

The only upside is some guy keeps spilling beer on you and you think you might be absorbing it into your bloodstream.

Maybe some of the problem is my kids are a bit young to appreciate whatever event it is we’re attending. It's kind of like the whole dressing babies up for Halloween or throwing a one-year-old a birthday party situation. No matter how adamant some parents argue for this, these things aren't really for the child.

So too, taking the family to a hayride where the kids are afraid of the horses but we snap a photo of the family smiling and sitting on a bale of hay isn’t for the kids. Maybe there’s some value in “the experience” for the kids. Or in just getting out and doing something as a family. I won’t argue that there isn’t. However, as soon as a camera gets involved, or it becomes evident that there isn’t even the potential for the kids to benefit (e.g., a six-month-old trick-or-treating) the whole endeavor is suspect in my book.

I know, the opinion of a guy who dislikes crowds on social activities is a tad bit biased. Agreed. But if you’re a parent I bet you’ve weighed the value of a theoretically fun experience versus the cost (both monetary and otherwise) of going. Maybe I’ll see you at the Christmas parade and we can compare notes.