Kids Bumper Stickers

There are two kinds of people out there: bumper sticker people and normal people. Just kidding. However, lately I seem to be seeing more bumper stickers and this got me thinking: if they could, what kinds of bumper stickers would kids put on their cars?

Seeing how interested my boys are in placing stickers on everything, I have no doubt they would be slapping snarky bumper stickers all over their cars. The following are some observations about children that I’ve channeled into bumper sticker form.

For M&Ms -- Will NOT Poop. If the potty-training two-year-old had a car this would be plastered all over it. Maybe I’ll make a sticker and just slap it on the rear of his diaper…

My Other Car is a Toy...and Probably On a Step Somewhere for You to Slip On. Kids have a strong desire to see adults fall down stairs it seems. Might as well communicate this to the world via bumper sticker.

If You Can Read This...Tell Me What it Says. This would be for those ironic hipster kids who wear Sperry Top-Siders. I can just see some bearded two-year-old snickering derisively as the toddlers in generic shoes try to understand it.

I Brake for Candy. Or Speed Up. Really, I’ll do anything for Candy. There’s a woman at our church (hi, Nana!) who hands out Smarties to the kids. Those kids will do anything from give a hug to rifle through her bag when she’s not looking to get the candy. A bold bumper sticker like this seems fitting since children have such a brazen desire for candy.

I’m An Honor Student. Just Sayin’. There are a lot of bumper stickers that fall into the category of bragging. This would be a given for kids.

I ❤Trees. So I Don’t Eat the Little ones. You’re Welcome, Broccoli. I don’t think my three-year-old would be the only one with this sticker on his car. “I don’t want to eat the little trees” seems like it could be the battle cry of the anti-vegetable movement. A movement toddlers started and are known to lobby on behalf of.

Honk if You Don’t Get “No” Either. I’m sure this is a joke amongst kids. They all get together at a toddler soirée and talk about how parents keep saying this “no” word -- but none of them really understand what it means but they pretend they do.

I Voted for Dessert. Adults want others to know their political stance. Kids just want dessert.

Keep Childhood Weird. No kid wants the mysteries of molding clay or where the toilet water goes when it’s flushed explained. Be cool, parents.