Dadstincts

It’s Father’s Season (wait, it’s just ONE day?!) and it’s time to shed some light on what it means to be a dad. I could go on about the deep love dads have for their kids, the sacrifices we choose to make, and the meaningful life lessons we learn but that’s not what anyone wants to hear about. Bor-ing.

You want to hear about those strange dad instincts (dadstincts?) that suddenly appear in men when they become fathers. Let’s talk about them.

The Gag Reflex Sound Reflex. I know, this sounds a bit confusing but sit around a family with young children eating and you’ll probably witness it. When a child puts too much in their mouth it can trigger the perfectly normal gag reflex. When a child triggers their gag reflex they make a choking/gagging sound that triggers the gag reflex sound reflex in the father.

He instantly tenses up, stops eating, and his eyes narrow as they dart from child to child to locate the gag reflex sound progenitor. Some dads are on heightened alert for this and instantly begin intervention at the slightest gag sound (back smacking is a common if often poorly thought out intervention). This dadstinct often catches the new father off-guard the first time it happens.

Enhanced Light Sensitivity. “Why is this light on? Who is leaving these lights on?” I remember hearing this from my dad and other dads before I was a father. It seemed a little overboard. Now I know it’s a perfectly normal dadstinct. If there’s a light on in the house and no one’s in that room, I can feel it.

Door Hypervigilance. After becoming a dad I became overly concerned with wanting outside doors to be closed behind the person going in or out. I'm not sure if it's the cubic feet of conditioned air I sense pouring out, or the hordes of mosquitos I sense pouring in, but this dadstinct is powerful. And widespread.

Finger Focus.  Of course, there's another door related dadstinct (or maybe it's a conditioned response...) that involves doors. It's the gripping fear that a finger is going to be pinched. I don't know what the deal is with kids wanting to slide their fingers into that space on the back of a door between the door and the frame, but I have yet to meet a toddler who isn’t instantly attracted to that ubiquitous pinch point. Just talking about it makes me want to shout, “Watch your fingers!”

Silence Radar. This dadstinct still impresses me. Somehow, after having kids, a dad develops the ability to perceive when the kids are being “too quiet.” Certainly moms have this too (momstincts?) but it’s no less amazing.

Without any effort or intention, a dad can suddenly feel the kids are being too quiet and go to check on them to find, oh I don’t know, the two-year-old sitting on top of a tower of storage totes the three-year-old stacked in what can only be described as a game of human Jenga.

At their core, all these dadstincts come from the desire to keep the kids safe and do what’s best for them (yes, even the light thing). It may not always come off like that, but the dadstincts wouldn't be there if that weren’t the case. So wish your dad a happy Father’s Day, and for crying out loud, close that door!