My son would make a bad criminal. This is both encouraging
and amusing.
For one, he is a terrible liar. He’ll sit down at the dinner
table with filthy hands and I’ll ask if he washed his hands. He will
confidently say, “yes, I did,” while rubbing his fingers across his dirty hands
and looking from his hands to me like there’s even the slightest chance I can’t
see his hands are covered in dirt.
He’s also a terrible liar because he doesn’t lie. John, his
younger brother, was crying and I went to investigate why. Eli responded,
"Because I hit him on the head with that book like this," and then
proceeded to demonstrate the crime by actually hitting John in the head again
(yes, minus 10 points to dad for not seeing this coming).
He’s not very clever about getting away with things either.
I’ll walk into the living room when he’s coloring on something he shouldn't be
(like the wall, the end table, or John) and he'll quickly stand up and
recommend I go back to the kitchen to eat more so my tummy feels better. Not
suspicious at all.
And when he's caught red handed he runs away and then flops
on the floor whining that he doesn’t want a spanking. So I’ll walk past the
kitchen and he’ll tear out of there, run down the hall, and flop. Definitely
the worst poker face ever. I was just coming in here to get a pencil, what were
you doing?...
He also doesn’t blame messes on John even when he could get
away with it. Which is a noble thing for an older brother not to do. I guess
some older brothers didn't get that memo did they, Daniel?
My favorite dumb criminal behavior to-date happened last week.
I went into the boys’ room and found John playing with cars (normal) and Eli
standing with his head behind the sliding closet doors and the rest of his body
out of the closet (not normal). I waited to see what he was doing since I
didn’t think he knew I was in the room, but he just stood there for a long
time.
I finally walked over and pulled him out to ask what he was
doing but he wouldn’t say a word. I told him to open his mouth and then saw the
rest of the candy bar that he had swiped. Apparently he didn't think his
headless body sticking out of the closet would capture my attention.
For a parent, there’s not really a downside to having a kid
who doesn’t know how to be deceitful. I certainly don’t have to worry about him
becoming a criminal mastermind or a politician. And maybe his truthfulness will
even wear off on the younger kids. The best part though, is there’s no way he’s
going to be able to beat me at poker.