Tag Teamed

I am rarely in charge of the two boys alone. I may have them in the backyard for a while, but I don’t do mealtime or errands with both of them by myself. So when I recently had the task of getting the two of them home from church, fed, and down for a nap by myself, I was in uncharted territory.

My wife was staying at church for an event so the boys and I said goodbye and headed to the van. My hands were full so I thought I was pretty clever having Eli take John’s hand and walk him to the car. Look at me, I’m superdad!

Then it hit the fan. The second we were pulling out of the parking lot Eli said he had to go potty. I start running complicated mathematical formulas in my head trying to determine if turning around and getting everyone out of the van and back inside to the potty would really be that much faster than just trucking home.

I suck at math so we headed home. We got stuck at every stoplight on the way and Eli became his own ever-loudening chorus of, “I have to go potty, I have to go potty.” We finally made it home and he burst through the door and he ran for the restroom. I started to sigh in relief and then heard what sounded like a struggle going on in the restroom. Thinking quick action could be the difference between life and mess here, I hastened to the doorway to find Eli in an epic struggle. With his pants.

I felt kind of bad because even I knew he was was no match for that button. But I quickly helped him out and he closed the door saying, “I need some privacy.” I turned my attention to John who was hungry. My wife had pre-made their lunches so all I had to do was put his sandwich on a plate. Or so I thought.

I gave him his cheesestick, pretzels and PB&J and went back into the kitchen to make myself lunch. I don’t think I was in there for more than two minutes. But during this time John had determined Eli was probably starving in the bathroom and I found him lying on his stomach in the hall shoving pieces of cheesestick to Eli under the bathroom door.

It was kind of touching. And completely ridiculous so I put John back at the table. After this everything was a blur. John opened his sandwich and pressed his palm into the jelly at the same time that Eli called, “I’m done!” from the bathroom. I attended to Eli and came back to find John now completely wearing his sandwich. Eli didn’t want to eat. John didn't want to stay in his seat. There was jelly everywhere. I was hungry.

I looked at the clock. It had been 27 minutes since we left church. Twenty-seven minutes and I was ready to tap out. Although I’m a weenie, I did stick with it and finished out the next 15 minutes until nap time.

The fact that my wife handles both of them in all circumstances every day (and I hit my limit south of 45 minutes) was not lost on me. She generously pointed out she's had a lot more practice dealing with both of them than I have.

I appreciated the empathy. But I was pretty sure that was only going to last for a short time. After all, it wouldn't be long until she found the grape jelly John put on her pillow.