Spelling Words

Ever since I became a dad, I've been doing a lot more spelling. It didn't take long to realize the oldest could recognize words, and failing to spell out certain words could lead to disaster. Or at least a tantrum.

Everyone was on board with this though. Waiters were suddenly asking if anyone saved room for d-e-s-s-e-r-t, the nurse would say, no s-h-o-t-s today, and most family members knew b-a-t-h could never be said unless a b-a-t-h was imminent.

I say most, because one time my wife and her mom were talking about putting the boys in the t-u-b later and my brother-in-law overheard. He asked what they said and my mother-in-law said, "we're talking about putting the boys in the t-u-b tonight.” To which he heartily exclaimed, "Oh, tub!" Insert facepalm here.

But, as we started Speak-and-Spelling out words more frequently, a strange thing started to happen. I suddenly lost the ability to spell. I started saying things like, "can they have a k-o-k-i-e?" And, "let's take them s-w-i-m-n-i-g." And it wasn't just hard words like cookie and swimming but easy ones like cake (c-k-e) and park (p-a-r-k-y). I have idea where the “y” came from.

If this wasn't bad enough, I also lost the ability to translate spelled words. My wife would say, "what about going to the l-i-b-r-a-r-y?" and I'd blankly stare back at her like she was speaking Ewok or something. A waiter asked if the boys could have p-o-p-s-i-c-l-e-s and since I’m now spellingly challenged I responded, “ha ha, right.” Which made no sense in that situation and caused the waiter to give me a look that said, “are YOU an Ewok?”

I don’t know why I lost the ability to spell words out loud. It may be due to the fact that the last time I was spelling words out loud was in middle school. Or because with computers I don’t even have to spell words correctly when typing (without spell check the last five words would have read, “spl words corcly when tyng”). My brain no longer puts much emphasis on spelling.

The spelling troubles are correlated to having kids but you know what they say; a correlation does not show causation...unless your kids are too young to understand causality in which case you should blame them anyway.

I’m slowly regaining my ability to spell out words. I think the turning point was when I asked my wife, “have the boys watched any T-V today?” and realized that I was turning into an idiot. I decided I better get a grip on this thing before TV was the only word I could spell. I’ve been slowing down to make sure things come out the right way and it seems to be working.

So next time a considerate waiter asks if the boys can have a p-o-p-s-i-c-l-e, I will be able to  confidently reply, “yes.” Or maybe even, “y-e-s.”