Potty Training
Fatherhood can be messy. Especially during potty training season. Which, like the NBA season, seems to always be going on and includes a lot of dribbling and missing (insert rimshot sound here).
However, unlike in professional basketball, there are myriad rules toddlers follow when potty training. At least this is what my observations of Eli during the last two weeks have led me to believe. We, as parents, of course have rules for him to follow (the pee goes in the potty, not on the bookshelf) but he has his own set of rules that he doggedly adheres to.
I'm assuming at some time in toddler history there was a colloquy of babies who decided three general rules for potty training. These three rules have forever since been passed down to newborns in the nurseries of hospitals to ensure consistency when the time comes.
Rule 1. Mommy or daddy must see the deposit in the little potty at all costs. Pick it up and bring it to them if necessary.
Eli has been impressively accident free for most of the potty training (so far), provided you don’t count the numerous time he has dropped the little potty basin when he’s running to show its contents to his mom or me. When I was originally asked to look at, and then celebrate his first solid deposit, I could feel Eli intently watching my eyes to make sure I had seen the product of his efforts. This business is serious business and he wanted to make sure there was no doubt about what he did.
Rule 2. He (the toddler) must always flush the toilet.
For a toddler, when the contents of the little potty are put into the toilet, their getting to flush the toilet is the equivalent to a worker clocking in. I made the mistake of pressing the lever myself and was met with immediate cries of dismay. From my wife. In addition to Eli. Basically, in the toddler world I had just taken credit for his work and this is unacceptable behavior for a dad.
Rule 3. When the toddler starts wearing underwear, they must share this news. With everyone.
When Eli walked into church the day after beginning to wear underwear, his grandpa said hi to him and Eli responded, “I’m wearing Percy underwear.” He then shared the news that he had on Percy underwear (Percy’s the green train from Thomas and Friends if you’re wondering) with anyone who was within eyesight. Or earshot. Or alive.
Of course, all these hard and fast rules could just be a reaction to how parents often treat kids who are potty training: We run over to look at the contents of the potty and praise the toddler for a job well done. We’re happy to let the toddler flush the toilet and use it as a treat of sorts for getting the pee in the right place. And we love to make a big deal about those big boy underwear. It’s a wonder I’m not telling everyone Eli’s wearing Percy underwear…
Whether these rules were thought up by a council of babies, or are just learned responses from the reaction of parents, one thing is certain; if you're a parent you're going to cheer for poop.