Big Bro

There's a picture I took of Eli the day we brought John home that says it all. Eli is standing next to the couch where my wife is holding John and he’s staring at him with this mixed expression of resigned displacement and curious sadness.  It would have been heartbreaking but I couldn't help thinking that's how my older brother must have looked when I came home for the first time, and that just makes me laugh.

But this look was as fleeting as Eli's initial jealousy and he really got in to being a good older brother. He would shove his pacifier in John's mouth when he was crying and was quick to try burping John by whacking him on the back if he was fussy.

"John crying. Pick up," had become a frequent direction from Eli. But lately that's changing. Now Eli wants to be picked up and he wants to be burped and he does NOT want to share his toys with his baby brother.

John army crawled up to Eli while he was playing last night and with the causal nature typical of older brothers, Eli calmly palmed John's face and pushed him away.

John doesn't care or even seem to notice. And that actually makes sense. It bothers Eli because he's known an existence where he was an only child, and it doesn't bother John because his existence has always included an older brother palming his face.

Eli used to just stand idly by when another kid stole a toy he was playing with, probably figuring he could always play with his toys at home by himself. No more. Now that the fortress of solitude that was his room has been infiltrated he’s started pulling and pushing back.

It’s a little funny sometimes, disappointing most of the time, and reminiscent of the petty squabbles adults have always. Seeing a pair of two-year-olds pulling back and forth on one stuffed animal reminded of a recent standoff I saw between two adults who were ready to go to fisticuffs over who was first in line at a gas pump. The only difference is the kids worked it out without getting the police involved.

Maybe having your toy swiped as a kid and learning to deal with it prepares you for those times when you’re an adult and a jerk driving a dark blue convertible swipes the parking space you were CLEARLY signaling to enter at the outlet mall. Maybe not.

I think that is an advantage of having siblings though. Even if you don’t development a better  sense for sharing, you probably are more likely to know the frustrations of having things taken from you and take that into consideration as you interact with other people. So, instead of being consumed with anger at, I don’t know, immature twits who drive convertibles, and retaliating by leaving the contents of a diaper in their backseat*, you just move on with your life.

So, everytime John steals Eli’s toys and he gets bent out of shape, I remind him that he needs to share with his brother. After all, it’s not like John stole his parking space.

*I did not actually leave the contents of a diaper in someone’s car. The convertible top was up.