Who Does That?!
Have you ever had a day or a week that seemed to have a theme? A theme that made you feel like some unfortunate character from a 90s sitcom, whose attempts to avoid playing into this theme are futile? I had one of these weeks. The only thing keeping it from being a TV comedy was a laugh track.
It all started when my wife and I were waiting for an elevator. I was holding Eli and there was a large picture of an Orca whale on the elevator door (an ad for a waterpark show). Genius father that I am, I decided to hold Eli up to the realistic picture of the killer whale and say, "big whale!" This upset upset him some. This upset his mother some more. As I calmed Eli down, my wife looked at me in disbelief and said, “who DOES that!?”
Later that same week, I'm getting Eli ready for a bath. I'm taking his onsie off by pulling it over his head. He doesn't like the part where the shirt goes over his head. He REALLY doesn't like it when his dad doesn't know there are buttons on the collar that you're supposed to undo to make pulling the shirt over the head easier. I pull the onesie up until it's inside out and caught around his forehead like a sweatband. He lets out a high pitch wale that sounds like, "wu-ahht!" that loosely translates to "what are you doing?!" He's not hurt or anything, but he gives me a look that clearly translated to, “who DOES that!?”
Fast forward a few days, and Eli and I are on the floor playing with a toy. It’s one of those wooden cubes that has holes cut out in different shapes that comes with wooden blocks in those shapes. It’s educational and is designed to teach kids shapes because each wooden block will only fit into its corresponding hole.
Eli has a block and he’s trying to put it into the hexagon hole. He’s almost got it in but he needs to turn the block a little bit. I’m pointing at the block saying, “turn it, turn it.” He keeps turning it but can’t get it to go in. It’s so close and I start gently helping him put the block in the slot. The only problem is I can’t get it to go in. Mumbling something like, “what in the world..” I attempt to force the block into the hexagon shaped hole. I THEN realize I’ve been telling my one year old, “that’s right, that’s where that one goes. Turn, turn it...” while we’ve been trying to force the pentagon shaped block into the hexagon slot. Seriously, who does that?!
That night we’re out to dinner and Eli’s become the center of attention for the whole restaurant. From his seat he’s searching out girls and women and then flirting with them. He’s doing big, fake smiles, little crooked grins, and laughing it up to make them smile or laugh back at him. They’re obliging. Our waiter comes by to pick up the check and thanks us and “little man.” Eli responds in an exceptionally loud and primal voice, “gluorb flirb draugh glor gror!” Everyone is looking at us and all Eli’s girlfriends are laughing.
We leave the restaurant and I turn to my wife and say, “well I feel embarrassed. That waiter said thank you and Eli shouted gluorb flirb draugh glor gror!” in his face. Laughing like a crazy baby, Eli looks up at me and says clear as day, “who DOES that?!” Annnnd cut.