The Pacifier
One of the most controversial topics among parents is the pacifier (binky, nuk-nuk, passy, sucker, etc). There are intense emotions surrounding the proper use, if any, of this little device. What age should a kid stop getting a passy? Should they have one at night? Should they have one at nap time? If I attach one to my son’s shirt by a tiny bungee cord does that make me a bad parent? These are all questions swirling around the great passy debate.
The last time I heard parents talking about it, I decided to take a step back and assess what’s really being said about the passy problem. After 30 seconds I was bored. But I also determined folks on both sides of the dispute have fundamentally flawed arguments, because they both talked like the pacifier is 100% effective. One side talks like they’re terrible because “lazy parents” can plug ‘em in and forget about their kid, and the other side talks like they’re some sort of miracle device that you pop in and your kid is instantly filled with happiness, contentedness, and a desire to sleep for eight consecutive hours.
The flawed basis of this argument makes the debate all the more rancorous, and I feel it’s time someone cleared things up. Contrary to what its name suggests, a pacifier can't always pacify a situation. As most kids learn by the time they're six months old or so, the pacifier can be subverted if they can get it out of their mouth.
This can be done a multitude of ways. There's the oopsy tongue (kiddo launches the pacifier out with his tongue), the whirly wipe (kiddo moves his head across his shoulder knocking the passy free), the classic pop and drop (kiddo pops the passy out with his hand and "accidentally" drops it on the floor), and the pop and fire offensive (kiddo pops the passy out and then chucks the passy as far as he can). This last one is my son's favorite.
Kids can even undermine the passy without taking it out of their mouths. One of the cleverest moves I've seen is the cry around. The baby will pinch the passy nipple between his teeth (insert moment of silence to honor the breastfeeding moms here) so the pacifier is in his mouth but not flush against it allowing any sounds he makes to be audible. I've actually turned to my wife while my son's fussing up a storm and said why don't you just give him his pacifier and been told it's in his mouth.
So to summarize, pacifiers do not always pacify and therefore you’re not a bad parent if you use them or a good one if you don’t. I interviewed 14 babies to get their take on whether their parents using or not using a passy made them a good or bad parent and you know what? Not a single one of them would even dignify the question with an answer. Which is a response I plan to emulate next time I encounter the great passy debate.